


Passenger Seat

by alicialeila



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, Pie, Post 10x20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:09:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3927547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicialeila/pseuds/alicialeila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel shares his story with Claire, and then, later, a piece of pie with Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Passenger Seat

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place sometime after 10x20, and ignores 10x21.

“You’re still alright, living with Jody?” Castiel asks, picking at the plate of French fries in front of him.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Claire nods, taking a bite of her burger.

They are seated at a diner, not too far away from Jody’s home. It’s small and warm, and Claire seems comfortable here. Castiel wonders if she comes here often. It’s the first time that he has seen Claire since everything had happened with her mother months ago. He had sent her a few text messages that had earned very short replies. Other than that, though, Castiel was trying to give Claire some space. He was unsure of the extent to which he should include himself in her life, all things considered. But if Claire wanted him to be there, he would be.

“And the other girl?”

“She’s fine,” she shrugs. “Kind of like me, I guess.”

Claire had sent him a message a few days ago, asking him if he was around and wanted to meet up for a burger. Castiel agreed, sincerely hoping it would go better than the last time he had tried to share a meal with her—rather, the last time he watched her eat, while he merely pretended to.

Cas was unsure of what had prompted Claire to want to meet him. She did not seem any happier to see him than she had before, but then she did not seem any angrier either. Either way, Castiel was fully prepared for Claire to end their correspondence. The thought affected him more than he cared to admit.

“Cas, can I ask you a question?” Claire says eventually.

“You just did,” Cas replies, straight-faced. He wonders if Sam would be proud. Claire merely rolls her eyes.

“How do you know Dean and Sam? I mean like I know that you guys work together or whatever, since I was a kid. But like, I dunno, you seem like you’re friends. How did that happen? I mean, you’re an angel.”

The question is straightforward, but Castiel still hesitates all the same. He wonders what Jody has told Claire about the Winchesters. Has she said anything about him, even?

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Claire mumbles, avoiding eye contact. “I was just wondering what the deal was.”

“Of course I’ll answer,” Castiel says. Answers are the least he could give her. “But Claire, this is a long story, are you sure you want to know?” he warns. The fact that the story involves the body and death of her father is left unsaid.

“I’m not in a rush,” she shrugs. “Go ahead.”

“I met Dean nearly seven years ago when I pulled him out of hell.”

“What?” she asks, eyes wide. “For real?”

“Yes, for real. Dean made a deal to save Sam’s life, and went to hell for it. I was tasked with raising him from perdition.”

“Holy shit.” Claire stares at him, and Castiel shifts uncomfortably. “No wonder you guys are like best friends or whatever. I mean I guess I just didn’t get it when I was a kid and, you know, was you for a while.”

“No, my thoughts were hidden from you. But things were different then. I was different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I did not save Dean out of kindness, Claire. I was not a friend to the Winchesters back then, not truly. I was on a mission for Heaven.”

“Okay, so what happened? Go on,” she prompts.

So Castiel tells her, he tells her everything. He tells her of rebelling for humanity and for Dean, because they have always been one and the same, haven’t they? He tells her of saving the world, of all that they won and all that they lost in doing so. He tells her of his mistakes, the betrayals, of all the times Dean and Sam forgave him when he didn’t deserve it. Of hurting Dean when all he’s wanted to do is protect him.

He tries not to go into too much detail about some things, the violent unpleasant things. He tries to tell his story objectively, but some wounds are too new; he tells her of losing his grace, of losing one home and then another. Of trying to understand humanity but never quite managing.

He alludes to his deep, deep fear that he is going to lose Dean. That for all they’ve been through together, they won’t get to have peace or quiet. That he won’t get to be by Dean’s side.

When he finishes, Claire is quiet. Cas is afraid that he’s revealed too much.

“Whoa,” she finally says.

“Yes, whoa,” he agrees. “Claire, I’m sorry if that was… weird.”

“Of course it was weird,” she says quietly. “Dean told me you saved the world.”

“We saved the world,” he corrects gently. “Together. Me, the Winchesters, and your… and Jimmy. I could not have-”

“I know,” Claire interrupts. “I know.”

A long silence passes between them. Castiel imagines Claire is digesting all that he’s told her.

The waitress comes by, filling Castiel’s cup with some more coffee. She also brings Claire a slice of pie, which she digs into with gusto. Cas gives a small smile.

“What?” Claire asks, with a mouthful of pie.

“Nothing,” Cas says, and Claire raises her eyebrow. “It’s just… I think perhaps you love pie almost as much as Dean.”

Claire watches him curiously, finishing her bite of pie.

“So you and Dean and Sam, you guys are still together after everything that’s happened?” Claire asks.

“Yes,” Cas said, as if it were that simple.

“Huh,” Claire says, not looking at him. She is scraping the last traces of whipped cream from her plate. “I mean I guess I didn’t realize that you guys are like… you know, like family.”

“I suppose so,” Cas says, sipping on his coffee.

Claire is looking up at him again, studying him closely. Cas fights the urge to fidget. He’s been interrogated by powerful creatures that Claire could not even imagine, and yet her steady gaze seems to be cutting right through him.

“And you and Dean,” she bites her lip. Castiel tenses slightly. “You like… love him, right?”

“Yes,” Castiel says, because he already told her that Dean is family.

“But like… you _love_ love him right?”

“Ah. You mean romantically,” Cas hesitates. Claire nods. This feels like a conversation they should not be having.

“I am not sure if I am capable of romantic love in the way you understand it,” Cas says, evading her question. Claire sees right through him though, and rolls her eyes at him.

“Cas,” she huffs. “You don’t have to answer. But don’t lie,” she says quietly.

“Then yes,” Cas says, looking into his empty coffee cup. “I… I suppose I love Dean in that way.” He imagines that he loves Dean in every way there is to love someone, but keeps that fact hidden in the privacy of his mind.

Castiel looks up and Claire is still watching him, and then she nods, as if she knew this already.

They are quiet as they wait for the waitress to bring them their bill.

“Cas?” Claire asks, breaking the silence.

“Yes?”

“You should bring Dean some pie.”

 

_*_

 

Castiel and Claire stand outside the diner, waiting for Claire’s lift to arrive. The silence is heavy and uncomfortable. Castiel suspects that too much has happened for it to ever be otherwise.

A rusted pickup truck pulls into the parking lot, and Cas notices long, dark hair behind the wheel.

“That’s Alex,” Claire says.

“I see,” Cas answers, offering an awkward wave to the driver. Claire shakes her head at him and mutters something that sounds like “oh my god.”

“Take care of yourself,” Cas tells her.

“You too, you doof,” she chuckles. She wraps her arms around him in a quick hug, and he pats her back a few times.

When she pulls away, Claire looks unsettled.

“Claire?” Cas asks, concerned.

“Shit,” she sighs, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this, Castiel. I thought I could try but I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you’re not _him_ , but to me you’ll always be… you’re still him,” she explains desperately. Her voice is breaking and Cas doesn’t know what to do. She’s right, of course. He’ll always wear the face of her father.

“You’ve been trying so hard…” she trails off, staring at her feet.

“Claire,” he says softly but firm, and she looks up at him. “I understand. This isn’t something that you should have to live with. And I can’t expect you to move passed it.” She nods, a few tears spilling down her cheek. “Just know that if you ever need the help, you can call me, or Sam and Dean.”

“Okay,” she says quietly, wiping her tears on the back of her hand. “Bye, Castiel,” she says, giving him a small smile.

“Goodbye, Claire.”

With that, she walks away, towards the truck. He watches her climb in, settle into the passenger seat, and then the truck is driving by him. He holds his hand up in another awkward wave. Claire seems to do the same, pressing her hand against the window. Castiel watches them drive away, standing in the same spot long after the truck has disappeared.

Cas gets into his car, placing the take-out bag containing Dean’s pie beside him in the passenger seat, and he drives.

__

__*_ _

__

Castiel returns to the bunker. When he arrives, Dean is sitting at the table, on his computer.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas,” he says, closing the laptop. “How was your visit with Claire?”

“It was… alright,” he shrugs. “Where’s Sam?”

“Out,” Dean says, clenching his jaw. Castiel knows that things have been tense between the brothers lately.

Castiel places the brown take-out bag beside Dean. Dean’s eyes flicker to the bag.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“Claire thought I should bring you this,” Cas replies.

Dean opens the bag, looking curiously at the Styrofoam container within it. When he opens it up and sees its contents, he grins, almost childlike.

“Dude! You brought me pie?”

“Yes.”

“Well tell Claire thanks,” he chuckles. Castiel’s frowns at that, and Dean notices. “What is it?”

“I… I don’t think that I can do that,” he says quietly.

“Oh shit,” Dean murmurs, guessing what’s happened. “She, uh, doesn’t want to see you?”

“She said she isn’t sure. I told her I’d leave her to her life, and if she needed me I would be there.”

“That’s all you can really do, man,” Dean says, trying to be comforting.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean offers. “I know you, uh, cared for her or whatever.”

“Yes. But it was ridiculous for me to expect her to… befriend me. When I’ve caused her so much more harm than good.”

Cas takes Dean’s silence as his agreement.

“Take a seat, Cas,” Dean says. Castiel does, sitting across from him.

Dean gets up and head into the kitchen, taking the pie with him. When he returns, Castiel sees that he also has two forks with him. He sits, and offers a fork to Castiel.

“Here, dude. Warm pie will cheer you up.”

“You’re offering to share your pie with me?” Cas smiles a little.

“Yeah, and it’s a one-time offer, so shaddup and eat,” Dean smirks, feigning annoyance.

Castiel slowly eats a few bites, letting Dean eat most of the pie. Castiel is surprised that Dean doesn’t lick the plate when he’s done.

“Dude, that was awesome,” Dean declares.

“Yes,” Castiel agrees. Not that he is quite that fond of pie, but anything that makes Dean that happy is awesome indeed. “Thank you for sharing.”

“’Course, Cas,” Dean grins.

Castiel wonders if perhaps Dean is more susceptible to the effects of sugar than your average human, because after the pie Dean chatters on about trivial things while Cas tries to keep up. “Dude maybe pie is the cure for the Mark,” he wonders, “Maybe I just have to keep trying awesome pie until I find out. You, me, and Sammy, we can go on like a pie tour across America.”

“Dean,” Cas says, chuckling.

“What? You never know, maybe for once the solution ain’t dark magic and deals with the devil, but good old fashioned apple pie,” he smirks.

The sight of Dean happy and playful fills Castiel’s chest with warmth and he finds that he cannot take his eyes off of him. Cas wonders if he should find it terrifying that the simple act of sharing a piece of pie with Dean has affected his own mood and outlook so profoundly. The ache he had felt after parting with Claire seems to have subsided, and in its place is one that has nothing to do with pain or sadness. He knows it to be one of longing. He feels it sometimes, when he looks at Dean.

“We’re going to be alright,” he tells Dean out of nowhere. In this moment, Castiel knows it to be true. If the two of them can sit and laugh over pie, there is still hope.  

“Okay?” Dean chuckles at his abrupt seriousness.

“I just thought you should know,” he says, trying for a lighter tone.

“Alright, man,” Dean laughs. “Let’s go watch TV or something.” They stand, and Castiel follows him to the couch.

“We’re not going to plan our pie road trip?” Castiel asks, deadpan.

“Maybe later,” Dean laughs, clapping him on the shoulder. Castiel feels a rare lightness as he settles into the couch, waiting for Dean to select a movie. But he regrets that he and Sam have been keeping their search a secret from Dean, as if he is a lost cause or or loose canon. There is still hope, and Dean knows it. He takes out his phone, his fingers hovering briefly over Claire’s name in his contacts. Instead he pulls up Sam’s name and composes a message.

_He’s going to be okay_. He sends it.

His phone buzzes with Sam’s reply. _Yeah?_

_Yes. And we need to be honest with him. We should talk to him._

“Who you talking to?” Dean asks, taking a seat beside Cas.

“Sam,” he says honestly. “Dean, we need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Dean narrows his eyes. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“It’s not bad,” he says, which is not exactly true because Dean will likely be angry. “Please remember that we love you,” he says, almost without thinking.

“Um, okay.” Dean’s cheeks flush.

“And I love you,” Castiel adds for clarification, because he might as well just lay it all out for Dean.

“Yeah I, uh, got that, dude,” Dean fumbles, and Cas smiles at that.

They watch the beginning of some superhero movie as they wait for Sam. Dean shifts closer to Castiel, and Cas feels Dean’s hand squeeze his own before returning to its place on Dean’s lap. Cas knows that Dean is, in his own way, telling him that he loves him too.


End file.
